A friend of mine was talking about a sewing project she'd completed. She said that one of the things she enjoyed most about it was the feeling of being "domestic" and that it was like sneaking into a secret club that she doesn't really belong to but almost feels a part of. I was confused. From the outside looking in this woman seems like the perfect candidate for the domestic goddess club! So, if she isn’t in the secret club, who is? Maybe nobody. I think at times I look at others around me and assume they are all part of the secret club for which I am not qualified.
This made me think about the expectations that we women have about ourselves, especially we Mormon women. It seems the ideal Mormon Mommy has to have an advanced degree, a successful career, an immaculate home, a fashionable, yet tasteful and flattering wardrobe, well behaved and nicely groomed children. She must do yoga and scrapbook and bake and blog. She must have an organized and well labeled food storage, cook nutritious meals all from scratch, grow a garden, hold a book group, and work with the PTA. She must magnify her calling, support her husband, and care for her children, all while being an independent and well informed member of society. AND she better like it! I think of what Elizabeth Bennet said to Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice when he was enumerating what he required of any he could call an accomplished woman. "I'm no longer surprised at you knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder at your knowing any."
I think I’ve been unconsciously feeling like I had to live up to the standards of the “secret club” now that I’m a stay at home mom, but after observing others around me, I realize that there IS no club. Some women are good at housework. It is important to them, and so they work on having an immaculate house. Others may enjoy sewing. Some are good at baking. Some have a talent for nurturing children. Some really focus on their careers. Some love to spend time playing sports or working out. A few may excel at several of these accomplishments, but nobody does them all-especially not all the time. There are times and seasons for different focuses, just like there are different talents and interests to focus upon.
