A friend of mine was talking about a sewing project she'd completed. She said that one of the things she enjoyed most about it was the feeling of being "domestic" and that it was like sneaking into a secret club that she doesn't really belong to but almost feels a part of. I was confused. From the outside looking in this woman seems like the perfect candidate for the domestic goddess club! So, if she isn’t in the secret club, who is? Maybe nobody. I think at times I look at others around me and assume they are all part of the secret club for which I am not qualified.
This made me think about the expectations that we women have about ourselves, especially we Mormon women. It seems the ideal Mormon Mommy has to have an advanced degree, a successful career, an immaculate home, a fashionable, yet tasteful and flattering wardrobe, well behaved and nicely groomed children. She must do yoga and scrapbook and bake and blog. She must have an organized and well labeled food storage, cook nutritious meals all from scratch, grow a garden, hold a book group, and work with the PTA. She must magnify her calling, support her husband, and care for her children, all while being an independent and well informed member of society. AND she better like it! I think of what Elizabeth Bennet said to Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice when he was enumerating what he required of any he could call an accomplished woman. "I'm no longer surprised at you knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder at your knowing any."
I think I’ve been unconsciously feeling like I had to live up to the standards of the “secret club” now that I’m a stay at home mom, but after observing others around me, I realize that there IS no club. Some women are good at housework. It is important to them, and so they work on having an immaculate house. Others may enjoy sewing. Some are good at baking. Some have a talent for nurturing children. Some really focus on their careers. Some love to spend time playing sports or working out. A few may excel at several of these accomplishments, but nobody does them all-especially not all the time. There are times and seasons for different focuses, just like there are different talents and interests to focus upon.
10 comments:
I think the "club" idea is truly a tempting distraction to keep our priorities a little scrambled. Really, it's so tempting to let the non-essential things come before the essential things in life, because we want to be "all that." You made a great point. I admire you for your reading. I saw your blog about books you've read in 2009. I thought it said 2008. I patted myself on the back for half a second for reading a few more books than you. Oh, wait. You've read all those book this month!!! You're years ahead of me.
Yes, reading does count. I came to this realization a few years ago and have been a much happier person since then. People often say they feel bad because they don't have scrapbooks for their kids like I have for Charlie. And I always that that we don't have to have the same interests and that their children probably get something from them that Charlie doesn't get from me. Read away.
I agree. I think it's possible to do two or three of those things really well, and a few others casually, but certainly not all of them perfectly all the time.
And thanks for the link!
Oh, Janci, you took the words out of my mouth! I concur Emily, a woman has many talents and one, and one flaw, she is over-critical of herself. While we might have other flaws, that one flaw seems to be a common thread in our sex. That being said, let us move on, I admit, housework is not my forte, but I am a gourmet cook who likes to write poetry on occasion.
Amen, sista! And this is why my house is always a mess... I'd rather focus on other things.
AMEN. The more I get to know the women in my life, the more I realize we are much more alike than we are different. And that the differences are sweet and refreshing, not overwhelming and guilt-ridden. I love blogs for this reason. Sneaky snippets of domesticity is still so therapeutic, LOL :) PS, guess who is loving Book #2?!! I just wish I could sit down for an afternoon and make some serious headway!!! I only have time at night when I'm so supremely exhausted that I can only get through a few pages. Justin is being patient though, waiting for me to finish first. I know he's anxious!
I loved reading your thoughts in this post. I agree with everything that you said. I catch myself looking at others with some envy and maybe a bit of jealousy, but you are absolutely right - we each have different talents and abilities. What a boring life it would be if everyone had the same talents and interests. I love reading your blog!
Great post. I am a pretty big slob and often feel bad about my housekeeping deficiencies. But when I feel really, really badly about it I try and think about other things I'm good at. *shrug* You can't do it all all of the time.
Great thoughts Emily! I really enjoyed reading your stuff. You are a great writer.
Here are some of my thoughts on the subject. Never set limits on yourself, never compare yourself to someone else...never.And always believe that everyone is just doing the very best they know how and that when they know better, they will do better. I've learned from experience that a desired trait can be developed, all things are possible with God's help!
Whining is soooo out!
love ya!
Suzanne M
I consider myself accomplished and I don't do ANY of those things. Want to join my club? :)
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